So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
