You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
