I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
