if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize