he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
