I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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