i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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