And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
