if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
