Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
