she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize