so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
