Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
