i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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