He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
