I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
