giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
