Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Are we still banned from the library?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
