Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
