as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I smell like Dick and happiness
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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