tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
