were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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