She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
