just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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