One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize