Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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