I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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