No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
