...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i came on her dog
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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