So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize