The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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