as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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