So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
