If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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