how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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