I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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