My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
