I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
