you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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