Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Randomize