the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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