By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
