this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
