I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize