I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
