i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
