have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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