the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
