i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
