Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
