zippers are such a cool invention
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
