we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
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He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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