I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
