And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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