my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
