You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
