I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago