I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.