exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
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I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it