Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
