I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
