my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
