Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize