I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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